I’ve recently picked up running in the mornings.

On a good week, I run a mile a day. When I first began, I’d have to pause nearly every other minute to catch my breath. Running is challenging. But I’ve found that the more I run, the longer I’m able to run without stopping.

Freshman year has been a different kind of challenge: learning to better manage my time, how to study, how to make decisions, and how to be more responsible. And while I welcome these challenges, they are challenges nonetheless, requiring effort and energy to do things I’ve never done before, such as having a class past 4 PM!

But I find comfort in Romans 5:3-5, which says,

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

I don’t think college is going to get any easier. I imagine there’ll probably be greater challenges to come.

And I’m happy to know that, just like running, it might not get easier- I’ll just be able to handle more, better.

Daniel Awosika
Freshman, IUPUI

Hello! My name is Bekah Johnson, and just a few weeks ago, I started my official journey as a college student at IUPUI.

Now, if you had asked me a year ago where I thought I would end up for college, I would not have told you IUPUI. In fact, I’m not sure what I would have told you at that point. My college journey was a bit of a long one, complete with skepticism, doubt, and many, many worries about the future. However, God made a path for me to come here, and He led me along it so that I would end up just where He wanted me to be. I am still amazed at how He brought everything together and love sharing this story with others, so when Andrew invited me to write this blog post, I eagerly agreed.

To begin, let’s rewind a little bit to the summer before my senior year, when I first learned about IUPUI…

During my junior year, I was a very involved student and did not have much time to consider what I wanted to do after high school. This meant that once the school year came to a close and the warm days of summer freedom began, I finally had the chance to embark on my long-awaited college journey. My first stop, however, was not a college, but a local community foundation.

You see, I was involved in a philanthropic group in high school and really loved working with the community foundation as well as the nonprofits in the area. I knew that I was interested in a career in this field, so I met with the director of the community foundation to ask for some advice on what degrees I should pursue. It was that day that I learned about IUPUI, the Lilly Family School of Philanthropy, and the scholarship available to students majoring in Philanthropic Studies. At first, I was interested and excited. Philanthropy degrees are hard to come by at colleges, and this school not only had a degree for philanthropy but also a scholarship students could earn for pursuing that degree! How cool was that?

But then I started looking at the details.

IUPUI was in the middle of downtown Indianapolis. I wasn’t really a fan of big cities.

I also wasn’t sure if dorm life was for me, but the idea of being completely on my own seemed a little intimidating.

And, of course, one of my biggest hesitancies came from the fact that my entire life, I had pictured myself going to a small, faith-based university.

I attended a Christian school my entire K-12 academic career and loved the friends and mentors I met there as well as the growth and discipleship that I underwent as a result. I knew that I wanted to have the same connections and growth during my college experience that I had in high school, but I wasn’t sure if I could find them as easily at IUPUI as I could at a Christian university.

So I set it aside, thinking that it was just not for me, and switched my focus to smaller, Christian colleges instead. As summer turned back into the school year, I valiantly continued my search, waiting for “the feeling” that I kept hearing people talk about when they finally found their collegiate match.

It never came.

I had good college visits, don’t get me wrong, but never one that made me say, “Yes. This is the one. There is no doubt about it!” And, for the record, I got pretty disheartened. After all, it’s rough hearing your friends and peers talk about preparing for their college experiences, when you have seven schools that you’ve applied to and still aren’t sure if any of those are where you’ll actually be going.

Time passed. Suddenly, it was spring, and my long college search was finally coming to a close. I had pretty much settled on a Christian university that had resonated well with me, when one day, I received emails from two of the adult guides involved with my philanthropic group about the scholarship at the Lilly Family School of Philanthropy. It was still open for applications, and they thought I might want to apply.

I was really honored that they had thought of me and wanted the best for me, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel a little weary. I had been looking for the perfect college for so long and had just started to think that I was finally making my decision when another university appeared on the table. Seeking some advice, I told my mom about the emails. I explained to her that I was so ready for my college search to be done that I was reluctant to even apply for the scholarship. However, she encouraged me to at least give it a shot. If anything, I could tell the guides who had sent the information that I had tried.

So apply I did.

It wasn’t exactly a smooth application process, given that I was starting so late in the game. It also did not help that I had never been to IUPUI before and was already exhausted from my college search. I was pretty nervous (not to mention doubtful) about seriously considering a new university when I was so close to running out of time to make my decision.

These were still my feelings when I got invited to interview for the scholarship. The interview was the same day as my mandatory high school graduation rehearsal, so my mom and I drove over two hours to make it down to Indy right after practice. At this point, I was a little curious about IUPUI. Things kept working and falling into place. However, I was also still very hesitant, so I approached the scholarship competition with a strange blend of interested uncertainty. I wasn’t sure what God had in store for me.

And this is where I’d like to just say, isn’t it funny how He works sometimes?

I arrived at the competition in a whirlwind. Because of my graduation rehearsal, I was the last person to interview and had missed the morning events. I basically said “Hello” to the other contestants and advisors, then went in to my interview. I wasn’t really nervous about the interview, having done a few scholarship competitions before. I knew that they just wanted you to be open and honest, so I was. After the interview was over, one of the advisors gave my mom and I a tour of campus. He talked with us, asked questions, and gave us helpful information. He was friendly and welcoming, and my mom and I ended up really enjoying both the tour and our experience with the school. We drove home that night impressed.

I found out a short time later that I had been offered the scholarship, and after considering it and praying a bit more, I finally ended up accepting. God had opened doors, regardless of how reluctant I was, and shown me where I needed to go for college. After I accepted the scholarship, God continued to show me His ability to provide in a number of ways. He gave me wonderful advisors who helped me wrap up the many loose ends that I had due to committing to IUPUI so late. He provided an amazing housing situation and a wonderful Christian roommate. He even gave me CSF and the sweet people I have met here to encourage me to grow in my faith. I am so grateful for all of the ways that God has shown His control over my life in this situation.

And that’s my story! That’s how God brought me to IUPUI.

What I like about sharing this experience with others is that it is clearly God who worked in this situation. Not me. I was the one standing off to the side with a raised eyebrow saying, “God, are You sure? My whole life I have been thinking that I would go to a quaint Christian college, not a big school like IUPUI. I haven’t even visited IUPUI yet! What if it doesn’t work? I don’t understand why You’re bringing this university into my college search so late. At this point, I’m just plain tired.”

Aren’t you glad that God isn’t deterred by our attitudes, our doubts, or our belief that we have our lives perfectly worked out? I sure am! I like it here in Indy, even if it’s definitely an adjustment! I also know that I would not be here if God had not opened so many doors and prompted my hesitant self to walk through them. Knowing that He carefully orchestrated my journey to IUPUI gives me peace of mind. I know that I’m here for a reason, and I am excited to explore what that might be.

So, in the end, I guess one of my key takeaways from my experience is this: trust God. Trust God when things are going well. Trust God when things are going not-well. Trust God when it’s June and people are giving you weird looks for not knowing what college you’re going to, because it is His plan. Consider this Psalm, and rest in the knowledge that no matter how crazy things may seem, God is ultimately in control and knows exactly what you need.

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” (Psalm 20:7)

I have always loved to write (if you couldn’t tell by the length of this article). When an opportunity to become a journalist came to me in the first month of my freshman year, I jumped at the opportunity.

It was not until April of the following semester, after going through a breakup, that I really threw myself into it, looking for a way to pass the time and find some fulfillment in doing so. Shortly after the semester closed, I decided to apply and was granted an editorial position.

The thing about being in journalism, if you were unaware, is that you are expected to be unbiased if you truly want to be subservient to the “greater good” of informing the public. Nobody is really unbiased, but journalists like to pretend.

I was more than willing to do that at the time, but God almost immediately put me in a challenging position, much like he did to Obadiah, the steward of King Ahab, one of the worst kings of Ancient Israel.

There was a famine in the land, so Ahab told Obadiah to search for grass for his horses and mules to eat. Instead, Obadiah ended up finding Elijah, the only active prophet at the time, whom the king was not a fan of.

And he [Elijah] answered him, ‘It is I. Go, tell your lord, ‘Behold, Elijah is here.’

And he [Obadiah] said, ‘How have I sinned, that you would give your servant into the hand of Ahab, to kill me? …And as soon as I have gone from you, the Spirit of the Lord will carry you I know not where. And so, when I come and tell Ahab and he cannot find you, he will kill me, although I, your servant, have feared the Lord from my youth. Was it not told my lord what I did when Jezebel slew the prophets of the Lord, how I hid a hundred men of the Lord's prophets by fifty in a cave and fed them with bread and water?

…And Elijah said, ‘As the Lord of hosts lives, before whom I stand, I will surely show myself to him today.’ (1 Kings 18:8-15, abbreviated)

Obadiah had answered the call to serve God privately while in the midst of an evil society, but when it was time to serve God openly, he was scared. He had objections. Like any reasonable human being would.

If he wanted to keep his religious beliefs to himself (which at this point in time were one in the same with political beliefs), it was probably a bad idea to serve in the court of a pagan king!

Just the same, attending a pro-abortion protest to write what was originally intended to be a news article was not the smartest idea for me if I wanted to keep a low profile on my political and religious beliefs as a journalist, one of which for me is the equal dignity and value of human life regardless of developmental stage.

On the sidelines of the protest, I met a man named Gregory Mayo who actually wrote for the same newspaper I did when he was in college.

He had some traumatic experiences in his childhood, was party to two abortions in his young adult life, but found God many years after finishing college. He had grief and shame about his decisions as a young adult for many years but ended up finding healing through Christ, and started a ministry to help other men do the same.

He answered the call, and put himself in an extremely vulnerable position as a man to serve God.

I decided I could not be silent any longer either.

When God calls you to be Christian publicly, it could be about a wide variety of things.

It could be by fighting for society to embrace human dignity in some form or fashion.

It could be by singing a hymn in public.

It could be by sharing the Gospel with a friend.

Most often, he calls us to be a Christian publicly by simply fulfilling our duties to our neighbor with the right attitude. This is just as glorifying to God as anything else.

Taking the risk to be a Christian publicly can be scary, because it’s tempting to think that we are doing the work, or that doing so will make us seem holier-than-thou, when most of us are more than aware of our moral failings.

But Obadiah was not the one doing the work. Ultimately, it was Elijah who stood up to King Ahab and questioned Israel.

How long halt ye between two opinions? if the Lord be God, follow him: but if Baal, then follow him. (1 Kings 18:21)

Just the same, it is ultimately God that does the work to transform hearts and in any event to bring about an outcome in accordance with his will despite our failures and our weakness.

It is also scary to publicly be a Christian because it's scary to be public about anything at all. Speaking is hard, but when it comes to the Christian faith, God promises that his Word will not return void.

So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. (Isaiah 55:11)

And God always keeps his promises.

While in America, being publicly a Christian may not cause you to put your life on the line like Obadiah, but it could very well cost you your popularity and your career plans.

In some sense, it did for me. I eventually lost my former editorial position and definitely put my graduate school applications at risk by being vocal about my beliefs.

Nevertheless, God has better things in store.

In the process of me deciding to be publicly a Christian, he tore down the idols in my life (my academic career goals, value-free journalism, and a few other things) and replaced them with better things that enabled him to have a more proper place in my life.

And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).

So remember that when God calls you to be a Christian publicly, it is him doing the work, not you. You may be a dirty, rotten sinner (I know I am), you may be a broken vessel, and you may fear for your life like Obadiah, but God delights in using the broken vessels of this world to accomplish his purposes. When he tells you to speak, when he tells you to share his Word, remember it is him speaking and not you. You may lose the world, but you will gain your soul in the process.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. (2 Corinthians 4:7)

But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to naught things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence. But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:27-31)

One of the most common things that I see (and have experienced personally) while single is resentment. Anger with God. Discontentment. God has given us a blessing of time to be by ourselves and cultivate a faithful relationship with Him, and instead many of us have thrown it in his face and pushed him further away from us.

I felt lonely and insecure, and instead of turning to him and learning what he was trying to teach me: (that complete satisfaction comes from Him), I went to cheap and easy “talking stages” and “situationships” where I ended up compromising my boundaries and beliefs and ultimately ended up with a broken heart. James tells us that we can be “perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” when we are steadfast through the testing of our faith (James 1:2-4). More directly, in Psalms, we see that we are complete when we are in relationship with God: “You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalms 16: 11). What if God is using this time of singleness to protect you? To hide you under his wing until the appropriate time. We are not supposed to awaken love before it is due time…this is a protection for our hearts! (Song of Solomon 2:7 & 3:5 “I adjure you…that you do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases”). This is our loving Father saying that He wants to hide you under His wing and grow you until the right time where He provides the right person that He has been preparing for you!

This is why I believe that resentful singleness tends to look very cyclical: I kept finding myself in the same situation over and over, it was time to surrender it to God and ask him what he was trying to teach me, and to have the humility to accept it.

A lot of people try to cite the passage in Psalms that God will give you the desires of your heart. But they fail to realize that it isn’t about God granting us whatever we want…it’s about the desires of our hearts changing to align with His will. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” - Psalm 37: 4-5 (ESV). Before we are given the desires of our hearts, we first have to learn to delight in Him! Verse seven goes on to say “...be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way” (v. 7 & 23). Let God be your guide, and learn to trust and delight in His will for your life. Unfortunately for us, there tends to be a lot of patiently waiting on the Lord, but that waiting is not just supposed to be about passively “waiting around” or “dilly dallying;” it’s active!

If your story is anything like mine, I would challenge you to be very honest with yourself and very honest with God. Are you upset with him that he has granted you a season of singleness? And have you rejected that gift, and instead of spending it intentionally, you’ve lived frivolously and selfishly? If there are unrepentant sins in your life, or resentment, or insecurity…a relationship will not solve them. You have no bargaining chip with God about “I’ll fix this sin when I have a significant other.” Anger and resentment in singleness come from a place of entitlement that show that you do not trust God’s plan for your life (whether your singleness is for a season or a lifetime), and you believe that he has somehow wronged you by not giving you what you want when you want it.

You are called to be the person he created you to be and to be satisfied in him regardless of your relationship status. Your joy is complete in Him. Allow him to show you how He is so much better and more satisfying than any earthly relationship that you could be a part of. This shift in my perspective has been an encouraging and comforting reminder that God is in control, and if there’s something going on that I don’t understand, instead of trying to take the reins, I need to take a step back and earnestly seek what it is he’s trying to teach me.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully (Romans 12: 6-8, NIV).

It was March 2020. The world had just shut down. My brother and I were turning 18. I was lost in thought when, “Can you see it?” brought me back to reality.

My grandfather was holding a skirt up to the camera. I could indeed see it.

Ordinarily, my grandparents would have come over to give me and my brother our birthday gifts, but Covid had relegated us to Skype.

Our grandparents had opted for a show and tell, opening our gifts on camera in front of us. As I stared at the skirt, reasoning that the lighting was doing it a grave disservice, my grandmother explained, “As soon as I saw it, I just knew it was you. It was expensive, but I figured you only turn 18 once.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have!” I said, hoping she couldn’t tell just how much I meant it.

“I hope you’ll be able to come over soon. I know you’ll want to wear it as soon as possible.”

“It’s okay. It’s not like it’s going anywhere.” I reassured her, not exactly relishing the day I would have to wear it.

It was times like these I wondered if my grandparents knew me at all. Of all the gifts, why this?

I had thought that many times over the years. When I got the bright red sweater with little nutcrackers all over it. Or the time I got the pants with little horses all over them.

Or the time God told me “no” when all I wanted to hear was “yes.”

God knows me better than anyone else does. And yet, somehow, I always like his gifts least. I usually find myself asking Him, “Are you sure about this?” as though the God of the universe might have made an oopsie.

For some reason, I always thought that if He gave me a gift, I would know it. That it would be easy for me to accept it. I thought if He gave me a spiritual gift, it would be easy for me to use it.

Instead, I found that what I wanted blinded me to what I had. I realized that receiving His gifts is one of the single greatest acts of faith anyone could ever take. I learned that using the gifts He has given me requires even greater dependence on Him.

I discovered that His gifts don’t always feel like gifts at all. He isn’t in the habit of giving us what we want, but He always gives us what we need.

Often, I find myself thinking, “Oh, you shouldn’t have” in one breath, while thanking Him with the next.

I wanted to start this off by clarifying I am not a professional writer; I’m just a regular student wanting to share my story with anyone willing to listen.  

When I think about the past year, I think about how many leaps I’ve made. During those times, whether I could see the end or not, I was not alone. I was anything but alone.

Coming to IUPUI was the biggest leap I’ve had to take so far. I graduated from La Porte High School in 2020 during one of the largest pandemics this world has ever seen. I remember that day in June, where we all sat socially distanced apart on the track. I was one of 423 students.  Just another gown in the crowd. When my name was called, I felt that moment- where suddenly 13 years of hard work meant something. Everything that I had known in high school, everything I spent time on, and everything I did came to an end just like that. When they said high school goes by fast, I didn’t think they meant it. I spent the summer with my head down, when i left for school in the fall, IUPUI was a fresh start, at least I thought. IUPUI was a fresh start, at least I thought. I still brought a part of La Porte with me. What that meant for me was a damaged relationship with God, a work-in-progress self-image, and all the new fears that came with being on my own. 

For the first time in my life, I was on my own in a brand new city in college. I came to study exercise science with the confidence that I wanted to be a physical therapist. I knew where  I wanted to go. As soon as the first day rolled around, I started doubting my abilities in and out of the classroom. I was struggling to find my footing, to make friends, and studying for the tests that really mattered.

However, I found comfort in CSF. The day I went with a new friend to meet all those wonderful people that make up CSF, I was intimidated to say the least. I had never been a part of any kind of youth group in my past, let alone a bible study. Still, I knew God led me there that day for a reason. In the park, I saw the overall joy of people willing to share the message of God. I couldn’t help but smile. Joining my life group was a first step in the right direction. Going to my life group every week, I heard the stories and advice from people I trusted in a group that gave me direction. I heard the things I needed to on the days that seemed so low.  As the year progressed, as I tripped and failed, God lifted me up and gave me the opportunities that I needed. He opened the door for the places I needed to go and the people I needed to meet.  Throughout this past year, there were a few people that left my life and even left me in a whirlwind of emotions. Even as I faced challenges with those relationships, I prayed to understand God’s plans for myself. For all the things I wanted, I still did not know what I needed. I needed to work on my mental health, myself, and my relationship with God. That meant giving time for what really mattered- friends, family, and God.

A scripture I come back to is from John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

From this past year, I have had my fair share of trouble. I have found focusing on the present every day, makes the difference. I cannot guarantee my future, but I am working every day to not be afraid of the changes. To all things new, I know God has put them in my path for a  reason. To whoever I was in high school, I wish her the best. I am not afraid to keep growing and changing as I get older. I am learning to not question the lessons I have gone through, but to learn from them. The ultimate goal for me, and for all Christians, is to find peace in the eternal afterlife with the Lord. There are many things I do not know, but I know I am willing to wait for that peace. 

Remember as a kid the fear associated with a storm outside? Especially in the middle of the night when the lightning lit up your bedroom and the thunder shook the entire house? You tried to stay calm but the uncertainty of when the next thunder sounded, or the next lightning strike kept you awake? We always thought we would eventually outgrow the fear of a storm when in reality, storms follow us throughout the course of life--both literally and figuratively. 

Everyone has their own storms they face. And right now, let’s be honest, we are all experiencing the same storm, otherwise known as a pandemic. And without a doubt, this is not your average size storm. Even within this large storm, we each have our own occurring simultaneously. For my family and me, our storm was my cousin Ryan’s rapidly worsening battle with cancer. Ryan was about a year into his fight with cancer when he passed away peacefully on October 30th, 2020. If experiencing his death wasn’t hard enough, this combined with the pandemic, resulted in an unfathomable storm to trek through. Although Ryan was able to properly say goodbye to some close family in hospice care, he was unable to adequately and fully receive love from all of the lives he touched in his 32 years on this earth, which included me. The last time I saw Ryan was late August, which I would have never imagined being the last time hearing his voice. 

When I was at Ryan’s home after attending the funeral, I noticed a framed Bible verse on their table. 

It said: Focus on Me, not the storm. Matthew 14:22-23

In situations when you lose a loved one, it is so easy to question why God would allow this to happen to such a young man and why he had to leave his wife and two beautiful children so early. Similarly, it is easy to question why he is putting the entire world through a pandemic resulting in terrible loss, uncertainty, and isolation. When asking these questions, we are focusing on the storm. However, Jesus calls us to focus on Him even in the midst of the darkest storms. 

At a Dare to Be conference in 2019, Charlotte Gambill preached saying even though God puts us through these storms, God is not only with us in the storm but is at the eye of the storm. What most people don’t know is that the eye of the storm is actually the calmest place to be in a storm. God is a constant, centered love in the middle of any storm we may face.

Now, instead of letting the lightning or thunder keep you up at night like it did when you were a kid, sleep peacefully knowing that God is at the eye of any storm you are currently facing. Don’t focus on everything happening around you, focus on Him.

Morgan Allen, Graduate Student and Member of the Women’s Basketball Team at IUPUI